The thought-feeling loops you mentioned are real, even if they don’t last forever. They can be big problems and last for a long time or happen frequently. One of the main reasons people go to therapy and/or take psychedelics (as medicine) is to break out of these loops. Either the therapist or the drug intervenes, essentially shaking the snow-globe of the mind up, making its snow fall in different patterns.
All of the above is a toy version of human psychology. It’s not really a sequence of thought, feeling, thought, feeling, thought, feeling … It’s much more complex and messy than that, with thoughts and feelings intertwined. Plus, a thought can lead to another thought, instead of a feeling, and a feeling can lead to another feeling, instead of a thought. Or a feeling can lead to a thought and a feeling, etc.
For the same reason perpetual-motion machines can’t work: the first and second laws of thermodynamics. Energy is lost from the system, and that energy can’t magically regenerate. Put colloquially, we exhaust ourselves after a while. Another way of looking at it is that, at some point, you get distracted or, worst-case scenario, fall asleep.
Can anyone show a photo with a penis in their anus?
angry feelings -> angry thoughts -> angry feelings -> angry thoughts
Because (sleep aside) this happens eventually:
But in a sense it is a never-ending cycle. But it’s not
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Also consider an itch. It probably doesn’t trigger much of anything on its own—except maybe slight irritation. It’s just a body sensation. But try coupling that with the thought of “skin cancer.” Your state of mind will be very different, but the sensation will be the same.
What a feeling (and emotion) really is, is a body sensation plus a thought. So feelings themselves are partly made of thoughts. One way to see that this is true is to note that the body sensations of being anxious (e.g. about a big test coming up) and the body sensations of being excited (e.g. about an exciting movie) are almost identical. What makes them different feelings is a thought context, tagging them as bad and good, respectively.
angry feelings -> angry thoughts -> angry feelings -> realization thoughts -> some other kind of feelings
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Those realization thoughts could be anything that, in some way, changes the feelings. An example is a memory that pops up, in which the person you’re angry at gave you an amazing birthday present.
This can happen:
… forever.
Hi everybody! I have been looking at posts on narcs and narc abuse on here and if has really helped me out a lot. I am currently struggling with my situation and need some advice/support.
I met a narc last year, everything seemed to good to be true. Love bombing, always texting calling and taking me on dates. Everything changed when someone warned me about him out in public in front of him and who he is. This caused a conflict with us and the love bombing seized.
he would tell me that everything is okay and i can come and talk. He would set a time limit on me and kick me out after that.
he would then text me like everything was fine and we hung out again and after that he completely ghosted me for one week. He came back and texted me a week later laughing about the ghosting and acting like nothing had happened.
he continued to text me ( not like in the beginning) make plans with me, then on the day of the plans he would just ghost me. One day he would act interested the next silence.
i contacted him a month later and he acted like nothing happened. He was on a vacation and sent me a picture of another woman ( someone he allegedly met on the trip) to strike a reaction but i never gave him one. After the trip he came to my place and was extremely rude, accusing me of going on dates with a bunch of men. The next day he accused me of being an alcoholic and that he wanted nothing to do with me but said well maybe we can be "friends" then ghosted me
i assumed at this point it was over and i would never hear from him again. He contacted me on the holiday a month later acting like everything was great. We ended up hanging out a month or so later and when we hung out it went well, i thought things were going in the right direction.
after we hung out.. silence. I would try to text him and if he replied it would be very short then he just stopped replying. He ghosted me for almost three months. I thought he was done this time and of course he popped up again like nothing happened. At this point i was getting sick of if so i questioned him as to why he dissapeared and always does this. Of course he had some sob story about a injury and family member dying of cancer. I felt pity for him and he gave me an apology.. so i took him back stupidly.
things seemed to be going smooth for a couple months, of course until his family member died and his injury got better he never contacted me and was distant. Menawhile, i was there for him during the difficult time for him. He lied to me about the funeral and never wanted to chat. I was chasing him and he would always claim nothing was wrong but when i said i thought he used me when he was down he could not handle it and would always tell me he didnt care and to go away. I would get so upset i would try texting him to work it out he would barelt respond and if he did he would not be nice about it.
we did hang out a couple times after that, he would ignore me after. One day i was like hey i think you are seeing someone else, and i was like well ixam seeing someone so no problem if you are he said " buy bye good luck with your new guy stop contacting me" i was devastated and tried to get into contact with him for weeks then i just gave up and accepted it was over. He ended up contacting me a month later acting like everything was fine. He wanted to go out and have drinks i told him i would. He and i both seemed to have a great time. He ends up ignoring me again. I kept texting him trying to figure out what was wrong. He kept saying everything was fine and i said ok can we hang out again? He said maybe i was like why? He just kept saying maybe …
our last conversation we had… i said what is wrong ? He said nothing is wrong everything is fine. I asked him why he keeps saying maybe. He said " maybe but i dont want to see you right now" i said why? He saix " im just not feeling it, if i wanted to date i would" i said why did you contact me less then a week ago wanting to go out? He said i didnt.. even though he did. So i said should i just move on or what? He said whatever you want to do. So i said that he was really confusing me and asked him if he had anything more to say before i move on? My messages were turning green so i panicked he blocked me and reacted irrationally. I said " omg did you block me? My messages are not going through. Even texted him on my work phone asking what was up. And called him twice ( please dont judge me i know it is pathetic i never was this type of girl before him) so he replied and said " Ok I'll block you now" then immedietly blocked me. He has never blocked me before since I have met him he will just ghost. Is this ths final discard aka " grand finale? Did i just push him too far?
this has upset me so much its hard to even function.
There’s a never-ending cycle (at least while we’re awake) of mental-event A causing mental-event B, causing mental-event-C and so on, but various realizations and distractions intrude, changing the course of the cycle. So it’s more of a chain than a cycle.
E.g. the person you’re angry at suddenly drops his pants. Thought that might make you even angrier. Who knows? Still, eventually there will be some sort of distraction. (For some people, sadly, it’s alcohol or some other unhealthy or addictive thing.)
Which is why so many therapies and meditation practices are about detaching thoughts from body sensations, learning to seem them as two separate things, rather than as a conglomeration.
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angry feelings -> angry thoughts -> angry feelings -> distraction -> some different kind of thought or feeling.
